Profile

Hello there! So you want to know more about me? That’s weird. There’s so many better things you could be doing right now. I’m flattered though!

My name is Carli. I don’t really have any endearing nicknames and all wayward attempts to habituate others into calling me something fancier and special like Moonjava, or Steve has been riddled with hardship and tears. I’m in my very late 20’s and reside somewhere within Alberta, Canada with my trusty steed of a boyfriend where we toil away under the intense heat of the unforgiving sun everyday and desperately forage the hard earth for unclaimed sugar beets in exchange for a meager pay of expired Kelloggs All-Bran® bars and some loose change of questionable origin.

Depending on who you ask, I was born under a new moon in an age ruled by giant celestial crab monsters thus rendering me as some sort of Zodiac monstrosity boasting a hard outer shell and soft inner meat. It’s probably ultra stereotypical, but my hobbies include sifting through sand to eat microscopic organisms, being dipped in butter, and waving my claws menacingly at potential mates while encasing my body in self-blown bubbles.

I deal daily with mental health issues (mainly depression) so that will probably come up here and there in various posts. Most of the time I manage to mask it in a humorous manner as to NOT CRUSH YOUR SOUL or drive you away from this quaint little textual garbage-heap though! I thoroughly enjoy laughing and being comedic, so I try to incorporate that into all my daily activities, even when I am literally too defeated to get up in the morning and put pants on. Fun fact: I’m not wearing pants as I type this – but it’s more of a lazy and alone-in-my-house thing right now than a chemical imbalance raging in my brain.

As for other random smidgens of information, I’m currently going through a pretty massive hippie groove phase where I’ve grown my hair long and don’t wear shoes in the streets. I guess I yearn for the simpler times of which I was never even alive for or politically affiliated with and can only romanticize about. Tetanus shot? That’s also very romantic to me. Please come along as I de-calcify my pinwheel gland, pry open my third-eye with a crow bar, and align my chakras to the sweet melodic bellows of Kool and the Gang. Feel free to make fun of my obsession with hemp and crystals as well. I don’t take myself very seriously, nor should you – unless I tell you I’m being serious!